I'm crying as I write this.
I know my family is not the worst out there. I have never experienced any kind of abuse from any of them (unless you count my father's complete and utter abandonment of my brother and I) and we always had enough to eat, etc.
I just wish I had more. I think what scares me is that I obviously come from a family of LOSERS and I'm afraid that I'm on the path to continuing that tradition. I honestly think the only thing keeping me from it is my husband whose family is on the exact opposite side of the poverty spectrum.
I can't help but think of this article. Here's a quote:
"In a paper published last month, he argues that middle and upper-income black families don’t accumulate wealth as quickly because rather than investing their money, they give more of it to poor friends and relatives."It's so scary because if I wasn't actively pushing against it, I could see that happening to me. I was still in college when my mom asked for the money. Can you imagine? I was already being impoverished by my mom before I even left school!!! And I have little hope of ever seeing that money again.
And mom always speaks so fondly of the daughter of one of her friends. This daughter is a little older than me. Many times during her college career she took out extra student loans to help her mom pay the mortgage. All this did, of course, was postpone the inevitable. Because the daughter graduated and her mom still can't pay the mortgage. SMH. What a dead-end reason to take out extra debt. And my mom thinks this is a positive thing! What kind of f*cked up family am I from?
It's not enough that I'm from a family that can't help me pay for school, I'm also from a family that thinks it's a good idea to take money from a kid that's still in school.
I can't help but think of my other recently graduated friends who also have poor, immigrant parents. Their parents don't borrow money from them. Many of them live with their parents now and don't pay rent. While I must contribute to family bills or the whole operation goes under.
Why did I have to come from a deadbeat dad and irrational mother? I honestly would rather have never existed if this was my only option to come into this world.
So much for being positive but I had to get that out.
Until next time.