OUT THERE

As part of my new interest in intentional busyness and thinking about what type of image I would like to project to the world, I've began to explore the world of makeup.  A nice chunk of my inspiration is from 2 lovely ladies from across the pond: Shirley B. Eniang and Britpopprincess (aka Patricia Bright). Their youtube channels are full of information on fashion (which is what originally drew me), makeup, and general life.

Although I don't think that's how they would describe themselves, I think they are great examples of what I call intentional busyness (however, the 'intentional' maybe a misnomer because I'm pretty sure they don't do it on purpose, they probably just naturally like to keep busy). Shirley is a  Mathematics student and runs both a popular youtube channel and a blog. Patricia works a full time consulting job with long hours, runs 2 popular youtube channels, is a newlywed AND recently purchased a home. They both started their youtube channels for fun and as a way to connect with other people who were interested in fashion and makeup. Now they earn money from these hobbies and they receive free gifts from companies.

Although I will do my best not to idolize people I don't know, I feel like I have a lot to learn from them. They started something for fun but they did not stop there. Both of them (as well as the lady who runs the ridiculously popular Cupcakes and Cashmere blog) have said that they continuously worked on improving their photography/videography skills. So even though it started as a hobby, that did not stop them from wanting to get better at whatever they put their had in. This is a lesson I've heard over and over again but still need to internalize: always do your best.

Another thing that stood out to me was how willing these women were to put themselves OUT THERE. Out into the big, bad internet. They put their faces, information and general thoughts on the net where anyone could see it and without the ability to take any of it back. And it has paid off for them.

I'm so scared to do that. In fact, I've began to realize that I'm actually too scared to really do anything. I have an inherent fear of life. I watched a video a few days ago that spoke to me. The topic was perfectionism but the woman discussed it from a different angle. I have always thought of perfectionists as the overachievers and as such never thought it possible that I could be one. Even though there are some things that I have done really well, it is usually because it is in a subject that I have a natural knack for; I've never been the person who would stay up 3 extra hours just to make sure something was *just* right. The woman in the video discussed perfectionism as something that could stop a person from doing and trying things that were really important to them because they were afraid that the results wouldn't be 'good enough.' She described herself as a non-perfectionist and said that this attribute is what allows her to come on youtube and speak in English even though she knows that she is not completely fluent (although I must say that I find her English to be wonderful, I've been complimented a lot on my Spanish by native speakers and I know that it is nowhere as good as her English).

This is the mindset I need to have. Always focus on improving myself and my work and don't be so afraid to put myself OUT THERE. With so many people in the world competing for the same jobs, it is now more important than ever to have a recognizable name. With regards to a blog, I think a good compromise for me might be to start off my blog anonymously and then add my real name when it gains a lot of attention (and money).

I have no intrinsic motivation

I'm realizing that this is one of my biggest problems. I believe it is why I get tired so easily and find it hard to put forth the great amount of energy that is needed to make it is in this economy.

I'm even finding it very difficult to even finish writing this.

I'm trying to figure out how to obtain or create in myself intrinsic motivation. Back when I had intrinsic motivation I took it for granted. I've talked about what used to motivate me before but I and my views of the world have changed a lot since then and I honestly don't think it's possible to go back to that way of thinking even if I want to (and I'm not sure that I do).

I need to connect my current interests to what I do on a daily basis. Also, I need to connect my future career to something I'm interested in. I'm too realistic to think that my interests will be the direct source of my income but they need to have some kind of connection to said income. I spend a lot of my time online now reading blogs on lifestyle, fashion, and pessimism (it's an interesting mix). So these are obviously the things I have a natural interest in. I remember back in college when a friend brought up that she didn't really think that  I had a true passion for becoming a doctor because I spent almost none of my free time on subjects related to healthcare. At the time I balked at her assertion but looking back I kinda have to agree with her. While she spent a lot of her time on sites like studentdoctor.com, I spent most of my time on sites related to social justice and vegetarianism (I became a vegetarian right before I left home for college and stayed one for about 2 years). The closest I came to reading regularly about health was more related to natural healing methods. Looking back, I've NEVER been intrinsically interested in allopathic medicine. It was just something I said I wanted to do as a kid that was then HEAVILY encouraged by my mother.

My experience in nursing school showed me first hand that any kind of patient clinical practice is just not for me.

I still haven't figured out exactly what I'm going to school for. I know I want it to be in STEM but I also must connect it to something I am interested in or else I KNOW I will not be able to put forth the effort needed to succeed. I don't have strong math and science skills so I will really need that intrinsic motivation to push me through the more difficult aspects of my upcoming time in school. I will also need that motivation to get out there and do all the networking and interning that I should have done my first time in college. And I still need to find a job!

Right now I'm heavily considering majoring in Information Systems. I just purchased an intro book on Information Systems from Amazon. Wish me luck!

I'll leave you with a quote I read on another blog that I would really like to make my mantra:

"I am a driven, passionate and energetic person who loves all things chic. I believe in big dreams, taking action and that everyday is a new opportunity to design your beautiful life."

I must make all of this happen. I WILL make it happen.

Until next time.