Morals and Guilt

Guilt is a weird thing. Two people can engage in the exact same behavior while one feels intense guilt about the situation and the other feels nothing. And of course other people will have feelings everywhere else along that spectrum.

If I allowed myself, I would feel guilty about everything. It's so easy for me to see the negative effects of my actions. To be honest, I still feel guilty about a lot of things in my life but I just submerge those feelings in order to go on with life. I used to think about living on a farm somewhere and growing all of my own food, making my own clothes, etc in order to avoid buying items made with sweat shop labor. I even used to wonder how I would get metal and other materials I couldn't make myself while still avoiding sweatshop labor and oil. Yes I'm that weird and think that deeply about both practical and moral issues (my life would be so much simpler if I only thought deeply about one or if I used surface level thinking for both).

I asked a friend to be a reference for a job that I'm very close to getting. This job would be the beginning of an actual career for me: benefits, a salary, etc. I asked a friend to basically lie for me. I asked her to pretend to be my current colleague for a place I used to intern at. Once she realized what I was asking for, she told me she couldn't do it and said "my conscious would bother me and drive me crazy." She did offer to be a personal reference.

It's a weird thing. This person is very privileged. She is the friend I mentioned in this post. I will give some numbers that I did not give in the other post. The total COA (cost of attendance) for the university where we met was $50,000 per year. Tuition by itself was $34,000 per year. So total COA (over 4 years) for both my friend and her sister would equal roughly $400,000! Actually it would be a little more because the numbers I have given were from a our freshman year and of course all of these costs increase every year. Her parents paid for all of it out of pocket.

I remember asking her years ago if she ever felt bad about the poor people in her home country. She mumbled something about there being resources available for them. (Needless to say that this was when I still had a rather naive view of the world.) Basically she didn't feel bad for them.

Now her home country is rather poor and even just a small fraction of the money spent on her college education (not to speak of all of her private school education before that) could have made an IMMENSE difference in the lives of many people there. Even in the US it could make a great difference. And with the money left she still could have gone to a top-notch college.

And for this she feels not a drop of guilt (at least as far as I can tell). She also travels back and forth (by air) between her home country and the US fairly often and doesn't think of all the environmental damage she is contributing to and the many lives that have been ruined due to oil exploration. And of course she wears the same sweatshop clothes and eats the same factory farm meat and vegetables produced by exploited workers without a second thought.

And yet her conscience won't allow her to lie to help a friend obtain a job. Now I need to clarify that I'm not saying she has a duty, moral or otherwise, to help me. I just find it so interesting the seemingly random resting points of the average person's moral compass.

I guess she would be considered a deontologist while I'm a utilitarian (I think).

Earlier today I found myself watching a YouTube video of young lady discussing how she dresses modestly for the Lord. She named a bunch of mainstream stores. Not once was the topic of the treatment of the workers brought up. And this for a video that is all about moral issues. Apparently the Lord doesn't care if you wear sweatshop clothes as long as they are modest sweatshop clothes.

People are truly the same everywhere.

The old me would resent my friend for not helping me but the wiser me knows better. There will probably still be some resentment but I will (try to) keep it artfully hidden for when I need her for something else.

More than anything, I just find human beings so tiring.

Thankfully I have other options for references. I'll keep you guys updated on how the job situation turns out.