Saturday, June 28, 2014

"Don't Have Kids If You Can't Afford Them!"

It's an oft-quoted statement. And on the surface it appears simple and self-evident.

But I don't think it's that simple. And more importantly, it ignores what human beings are: biological organisms whose main purpose is to reproduce. I know we don't want to hear that but it's true. We may tell ourselves that we're actually here to worship God, become better people, make lots of money, have fun, etc but the sheer (near) universality of procreation says differently. A few people throughout the ages have chosen not to procreate (Catholic priests and nuns being just a few constant examples) but they are the tiniest of exceptions. (I read a statistic once that stated that throughout history, there has been a near constant 10% of women who have not procreated. I don't know how true this is but even if it is completely accurate I wouldn't include all of those women since they many of them probably were infertile and actually wanted kids).

It's just not realistic to expect people to stop procreating for any reason, especially not something as common as poverty. 

The other side of the issue is that I don't believe that most of the people who say "Don't have kids if you can't afford them!" actually care about the children involved. If they did, they would take concrete steps to help the child instead of pointing out the parents' failings. I believe the real reason most people bring up this topic because it gives them a (false) feeling of superiority. They like looking down on the choices of those poorer than them and (falsely) feeling like they wouldn't make the same decisions if they were in the same position.

All of the above is why the cycle of childhood poverty will never end. Poor people are going to continue procreating regardless of their financial situation and those relatively well off don't actually care about other people's kids enough to help them and they like feeling superior in comparison to poor kids and their parents.

6 comments:

  1. Interesting article here with good comments:

    http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/675071ac-fcc0-11e3-81f5-00144feab7de.html#axzz3647h6OU5

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    1. Thanks for the article recommendation, Karl.

      I particularly enjoyed this selection:

      "Parenthood is socialising and de-socialising at the same time. Yes, it plugs us into society’s institutional web – schools, hospitals, nurseries, parks – and gives us an emotional stake in the future. But it also means our familial duty supersedes our duty to anything or anyone outside. The ancient Greeks had the same worry, that reproduction dangerously narrowed a man’s obligations from serving the demos to serving only his family. It is why they saw a kind of civic virtue in homosexuality. For them, the social contract was between people living there and then – not, as Edmund Burke had it two millennia later, between successive generations.

      The best case for parenthood is the most modest. It is no more “meaningful” or “social” than the alternative lifestyle but it can be more soothing. A happy family is a haven in an impersonal universe... We are “fragile creatures surrounded by a world of hostile facts” and so we form families to protect us by “sealing off the world”. In these cocoons, “small errors grow heads, fictions ­proliferate”""

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    2. small errors grow heads
      small errors grow heads
      small errors grow heads ー small errors, grow heads....small, errors grow, heads (SEGH (small heads, grow errors....wishing i could seal off the world?!

      Just like everybody works to do....seal off the world!! Just as Peter Zapffe shows us....human beings seal themselves off from the world....from knowing....from "it all" ーーーー

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  2. "I believe the real reason most people bring up this topic because it gives them a (false) feeling of superiority. They like looking down on the choices of those poorer than them and (falsely) feeling like they wouldn't make the same decisions if they were in the same position." Yes, yes yes!! Spot on. Thank you for posting this.

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  3. Why do you think that every relatively well-off parent is a nazi-parent ?

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  4. Haha...this is so cynical..I love it. A lot of people see having kids as an absolute right no matter how crappy their situation is. If someone chooses to have kids but is barely getting by, people feel sorry for them but if someone buys an expensive car but is barely getting by, people call them stupid.

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