Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Follow Your Dreams

I realized recently why I often find it so hard to motivate myself: I don't have any real dreams.

That's not completely true. The real issue is that my biggest dream is an impossibility: to not exist. I'm not suicidal (I wouldn't have the balls to kill myself even if I was) I just don't want to be in this world. In my heart of hearts, I find this world absolutely abhorrent.

If I had to rate my dreams on a scale of 100 to 0 (100 being associated with my biggest dream), I would put not existing at 100 and the next biggest dream couldn't rate any higher than 50.

Hmm. Let me start over. I think I have one real dream (not existing) and a bunch of compromises. My compromises include making a decent income, (possibly) raising a decent family*, avoiding as much pain as I can, and not living for a long time.

My biggest compromise is setting up a good passive income. I need to start that this summer.

What about you, fellow pessimists? Do you have any dreams? Do you follow them or does the meaninglessness of it all get to you?

*I know, I know. I shouldn't. I just can't imagine what else I will do with the next 60+ years. We'll see; I haven't made any final decisions. Maybe I can just keep postponing it until the decision is made for me.

6 comments:

  1. Life is an imposition in which you have no choice but to persist or die. In this great farce we have chances to create joy, however fleetingly, and to find connection with others.

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  2. I've never had big dreams, never known what to do with myself. On the other hand, I have been yearning for a companion for almost all my life, and it looks like it is never going to happen. If I had that, and a place of our own, a stable livelihood, and no children, then I would be sort of fine, I think.

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    1. I love your last sentence, Zoidberg.

      ... then I would be sort of fine, I think.

      I have gotten to the point where I don't even feel that I can really trust myself in terms of what I think will make me happy. I will admit that being married has brought a lot of daily joy into my life. Hence, I believe it is a worthwhile goal to find a compatible life partner.

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  3. I'd like to live in a nice hot and sunny climate and never have to worry about anything ever again. Does that sound banal? Well, yes it is, but after exploring every other possible avenue I realise that that's the only thing left.

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    1. It does sound nice but I fear that your philosophical mind will follow you anywhere. At least that's what I have found in my own personal life.

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  4. I had a child. He died recently (not even two) in a car accident. I'll probably never do it again out of shame and fear, but I have to say, it was probably the greatest joy I ever experienced. Deep down, lasting joy. I hate to say it, but it is true. It was the only thing I ever did that felt one hundred per cent worth it. Of course, if I'd known he was going to die so young I'd never have done it, and after this I probably never will again. That is the only moral choice. But the temptation is very, very strong. Family life is happy and great when it's going well.

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