I have no intrinsic motivation

I'm realizing that this is one of my biggest problems. I believe it is why I get tired so easily and find it hard to put forth the great amount of energy that is needed to make it is in this economy.

I'm even finding it very difficult to even finish writing this.

I'm trying to figure out how to obtain or create in myself intrinsic motivation. Back when I had intrinsic motivation I took it for granted. I've talked about what used to motivate me before but I and my views of the world have changed a lot since then and I honestly don't think it's possible to go back to that way of thinking even if I want to (and I'm not sure that I do).

I need to connect my current interests to what I do on a daily basis. Also, I need to connect my future career to something I'm interested in. I'm too realistic to think that my interests will be the direct source of my income but they need to have some kind of connection to said income. I spend a lot of my time online now reading blogs on lifestyle, fashion, and pessimism (it's an interesting mix). So these are obviously the things I have a natural interest in. I remember back in college when a friend brought up that she didn't really think that  I had a true passion for becoming a doctor because I spent almost none of my free time on subjects related to healthcare. At the time I balked at her assertion but looking back I kinda have to agree with her. While she spent a lot of her time on sites like studentdoctor.com, I spent most of my time on sites related to social justice and vegetarianism (I became a vegetarian right before I left home for college and stayed one for about 2 years). The closest I came to reading regularly about health was more related to natural healing methods. Looking back, I've NEVER been intrinsically interested in allopathic medicine. It was just something I said I wanted to do as a kid that was then HEAVILY encouraged by my mother.

My experience in nursing school showed me first hand that any kind of patient clinical practice is just not for me.

I still haven't figured out exactly what I'm going to school for. I know I want it to be in STEM but I also must connect it to something I am interested in or else I KNOW I will not be able to put forth the effort needed to succeed. I don't have strong math and science skills so I will really need that intrinsic motivation to push me through the more difficult aspects of my upcoming time in school. I will also need that motivation to get out there and do all the networking and interning that I should have done my first time in college. And I still need to find a job!

Right now I'm heavily considering majoring in Information Systems. I just purchased an intro book on Information Systems from Amazon. Wish me luck!

I'll leave you with a quote I read on another blog that I would really like to make my mantra:

"I am a driven, passionate and energetic person who loves all things chic. I believe in big dreams, taking action and that everyday is a new opportunity to design your beautiful life."

I must make all of this happen. I WILL make it happen.

Until next time.